I was making dinner yesterday night,my all-you-can-find curry, and was listening to a Russian psychology programe on the radio. A woman called to ask her question: “my family keeps critisizing me about everything: my job, my looks, hobbies. this really offends me, but I know they just want all the best for me. how to deal with such heavy criticism and not ruin the relationships with them?”. so the psychologist says “the only reason people criticize others is the attempt to raise their own self esteem”.
Wow, if only that wise thought reached my ears like 2 years ago! in Russia we say “smarties learn from mistakes of others, fools learn from their own mistakes”. I am definitely the fool here, can’t do anything about that. but now the trick is how not to be an even bigger fool and not to fall into the same pit over and over again.
So the recommendation in that program was to immediately say that you don’t like hearing this criticism , and if this happens again you just stop the relationship with that person! as simple as that! for some reason I felt like I will offend someone if I tell them to keep their mouth shut about how imperfect I am. But now I realise I should have cared about my own feelings first.
Ah, and by the way, the solution to break the relationship doesn’t really work if you depend on those people. So if you are 30, living with your parents and unhappy about how they criticize you all the time- first move out and then make your own rules.;)
And that’s the dinner that came out of a 30min radio show!