Thank you 2016

How to leave the past behind?

I guess it’s my wicked mind trying to reflect on the past year as hard as it can. This reflections lead me to red wine and ice cream.
Why is it so that I keep thinking again and again about the failures of the year? It’s just a “bad radio signal” kind of noise in my head. And all the positives seem not so big. Or maybe just not so noisy.
Actually this year was great.
I visited the places that I always wanted to visit. I spend a week in lovely Georgia eating the wonderful food and drinking the best rose in the world.
I discovered that I got true friends in the Netherlands.
I discovered a lot about myself, something it wasn’t anything positive- but as we all know first step to solving a problem is realizing that you have  a problem. As my step counter app says “you are on the way to greatness!”
This year I got my first home.
This year I learned to enjoy time alone and not to feel lonely.
I started doing things that I wanted to do for years-and was postponing for years. Not in am back to dancing. I started colouring a painting. Started doing the group class at the gym and actually, to my surprise, being able to enjoy it.
I had the strength to say goodbye to people who didn’t make my life better.
I learned to make my life better.
Once again I realized what a sweet, loving and supportive family is have.
So..thank you 2016, for all the great and powerful experiences I had this year!

Honesty is the best policy

Guys, let’s be honest.. Btw how honest do you think you are?

What I noticed is that people (including myself) tend to think better about themselves than about others. “Oh I am such a well mannered person, and that I was rude to the waiter today-I was just tired, that’s a reason decent enough”. Such little lies won’t hurt, right?

How about being honest to others? Living in the Netherlands I heard a billion times about ‘Dutch directness’. What I have to say about it is that being impolite/tactless is not that same as being honest, and that’s the confusion for me. I expected the second but keep seeing the first.

And how about being honest with yourself? Not direct, thinking “you fat cow” when looking in the mirror,  but namely honest. Saying to yourself “you are so bored with your life that can’t stop chewing” seems to be a different approach.

How often do you illude yourself? ‘It will change’ you think. ‘it’s tempory’. ‘I just smoke socially’. ‘I really tried’. ‘He will change his mind’. ‘I would have done that if I really wanted’.

To be honest..honesty is scary. Being honest to yourself in many cases means change. Insecurity. Starting from scratch. It’s all really tough. But the risk of not doing that is that one day years from now you will wake up and cry. Because you lived somebody else’s  life. Because of all the opportunities you missed and the time you wasted.

Be honest and tell yourself what you like and what you don’t like. And have the guts  to do something about it. Or to accept that but then be at peace with the situation.

This honesty will save you from major disappointments. And it is never too late to start practicing it! Make it your number one New Year’s resolution. “I will always be honest with myself”. And I will do that too 🙂

Just face it

Monday morning not the best time of the week by default, the gloomy Dutch weather makes it even more weird. The fog around sort of says “Get some red wine and start talking philosophical bullshit”.

No red wine for me, but got some thoughts to share. Have you meet those people, hm.. in Russia we say “with a needle in their arse”, meaning they just can’t sit still- always running around and doing things. Suddenly it crossed my mind that there are two sides to this behavior. One- is that you truly love discovering new places, trying out new things, really enjoy being around people.

The other- not so cheerful- you are so badly trying to avoid reality. Enjoying the company is not the same as running away from loneliness.  Discovering new places is not the same as feeling sick when you are at home. Just face it, if life sucks there is no way you can ran away from it forever. At some point you will stop and realize that you don’t have truly dear people to you, that there is no place you can call “Home”, or that you can’t stand spending time alone because you are so bored with yourself.

Stop for a moment and face it. As we all know acknowledging the problem is the first step to solving it.